


Boys next door (and other cliches)

by zach_stone



Series: Neighbors AU [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, the AU nobody asked for but i felt compelled to write anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5121791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Washington was already having a bad morning when he accidentally knocked his new neighbor down the stairs and broke the guy's leg.<br/>~<br/>AU; no prank, alternate meeting. Hannah and Beth are still dead in this universe. Featuring Josh making questionable decisions, Chris being a freaking nerd, Sam being the nagging voice of reason, and Mike being the fuckboy we all know and love. This is mostly Chris/Josh, but definitely some background Sam/Mike.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well gang, I told myself I wouldn't start another long fic until I was on break, but I have no self control. Also, I haven't written in past tense in like, forever, so if I mess up the tenses I apologize.

Josh Washington was not having a good day. It all started when his alarm clock didn’t go off (okay, he just pressed snooze too many times, but fuck if he wasn’t going to blame technology instead). Then, he’d spilled hot coffee on his shirt. And to top it all off, the elevator in his building was broken. He was already late for work and the thought of walking down four flights of stairs was far from appealing. Seeing as his only other option was to swan dive out a window, however, he decided to take the stairs. It was a close call, though.

On his way down, Josh almost walked right into some guy. He was a tall, blonde young man, probably around Josh’s age, and currently he was sweating and losing his grip on the gigantic cardboard box he had in his arms. Against his better judgement, Josh said, “Hey, you need help with that?”

The man looked over at him, glasses slipping down his nose. He shifted the box hopelessly in his arms, which didn’t help his grip in the slightest. “Uh, yeah, actually. That would be great.”

Already regretting his act of decency, Josh circled around so he was facing the guy and stuck his hands under the box, walking backwards up the stairs again as the other guy walked forwards. “You moving in?” he asked, grunting a little at the weight of the box. Jeez, did this guy pack it full of bricks?

“Yep. I’m in number 42D,” the guy said.

“Oh, I’m 40D. Right next door,” Josh said. He took another backwards step, but his foot just met air. He stumbled, and then he and the guy and the box of bricks were all falling. As he tumbled forward, Josh thought that probably no one was having a worse fucking day than he was.

But then the blonde guy’s moans of pain reached his ears, and Josh realized that yeah, okay, maybe _one_ person was having a worse day. He sat up, rubbing his head, and saw that the man had collapsed with his body sprawled half on the stairs, half on the landing. The box, which had spilled its contents everywhere (giant textbooks, what kind of _nerd_ ), was on the landing. The man gripped his leg and yelped in pain. Josh scrambled over to him.

“Holy shit,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“I think my leg’s broken,” the man said, gritting his teeth. “Ah, ow, fuck!”

“Ah, shit.” Josh bounced from foot to foot, well aware that he was just getting more and more tardy for his shift at work. What does one do when one accidentally breaks a stranger’s leg? “Listen, bro, I didn’t mean to--”

“Oh, I am _not_ your bro,” the man snapped. “You just broke my leg!”

Okay, fair enough. Josh looked around to see if there was anyone else around who saw the accident. “Right. Sorry. I just don’t know your name.”

“It’s Chris,” the man grunts. “Look, can you just -- just call me an ambulance and leave me alone?”

That sounded like exactly the kind of escape plan Josh needed. He called 911 and explained that a man had taken a tumble down some stairs. He hung up and looked at Chris, who had dragged himself fully onto the landing and was sitting up, still clutching his leg. “They’ll be here in a minute,” he said awkwardly. “Um, should I stay?”

“Please just go away,” Chris muttered. Josh felt kind of bad leaving the dude all alone with a busted leg, but he also really wanted to leave this uncomfortable situation immediately. He gave Chris a weird little wave and then hurried down the steps and out of the building.

Josh unlocked his bike from the rack outside and pedaled down the road to his work, a little frozen yogurt shop in a strip mall with a bunch of other fast food places. When he walked in, looking only mildly disheveled, a short blonde girl was standing behind the counter and giving him a stern look.

“You’re late,” she said.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” he said. “It’s been a rough morning, Sam.”

Sam was probably one of Josh’s favorite people, which was saying something because that was an exclusive list. They had almost every shift together, and she was always calling him on his shit. He needed someone like that in his life.

Josh hopped over the counter -- earning another glare from Sam -- and grabbed his apron and hat from the hook on the wall. “Sorry to make you open by yourself.”

“You know Steven’s gonna have your ass if you keep this up,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve been late like, six times the past month. I can’t keep covering for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. “No one even comes in here, it’s October. Who’s gonna want frozen food right now?”

Sam shrugged. “Either way, you’ve still got to start coming to work on time. What’s your excuse today?”

He frowned. “You say that like you don’t think it’ll be a good one.”

“I’m all ears,” she said.

“Well, first of all, my alarm didn’t go off--”

“That’s not a thing that happens.”

“I am telling a story, Sammy. Don’t interrupt.” He waited until she gestured for him to continue, a smirk playing at her lips. “And then I dumped coffee all over myself. And my stupid building’s elevator is broken yet again. So really the universe had it out for me.”

“Tragic,” Sam said. “I’m gonna be honest, though, Josh -- doesn’t really sound like a good enough reason to be an hour late.”

“Oh, I almost forgot. I broke a guy’s leg.”

Sam’s eyes nearly fell out of her head from how wide they went. “Excuse me?”

“I was helping this dude move a box upstairs and I fell and he broke his leg.”

“Holy smokes,” Sam said. “Is he okay?”

Josh shrugged. “I think so? An ambulance was coming when I left.”

“You _left_?! Before the ambulance even got there?” She smacked him on the arm. “Josh!”

“Ow, hey! He told me to leave!” Josh said, flinching away from her. “I really don’t think he wanted my company, Sam.”

“Still…” Sam shook her head. “Only you would get into this kind of shit, Josh. I swear to God.”

“Hey, it was an _accident_ ,” Josh said. “Anyway, you can reprimand me all you want, but we both know you’d be bored to tears without my stories. You lead such a mundane life.”

“You’re just so charming today, aren’t you?” Sam said. She was smiling, though.

The first few hours of their shift were predictably slow. No one wanted frozen yogurt, not even if it was pumpkin spice flavored. Around lunchtime, the door opened and a tall brunette man came in holding a slightly greasy paper bag.

“Hey party people! Trading time?” he said.

“Hi Mike,” Sam said, eyeing the bag in his hands eagerly. “Whatcha got?”

“A shit-ton of eggrolls,” Mike said proudly. “Freshly made, your favorite. Can we get a couple of those mint-chocolate thingies?” Mike worked at the Chinese fast food place across the street. The two shops often did trades, the employees swapping eggrolls and wontons for froyo.

Sam made grabby hands and Mike gave her the bag. She peered inside. “Get ‘em two small cups,” she told Josh. Mike looked annoyed.

“Small? What the hell, Sam, there’s like a bunch of eggrolls in there!”

Sam took one out and took a bite. “Them’s the breaks,” she told him. He shook his head, leaning forward so his elbows were on the counter.

“You are a cruel, cruel woman,” he said, a grin spreading across his face.

“I think secretly you’re into it,” she said. Mike snorted.

“I don’t know about _secretly_ ….”

Josh set the two cups of mint chocolate froyo in front of Mike with a little more force than necessary. “Enjoy,” he said. Mike looked a bit startled. He leaned away from Sam and took the cups.

“Thanks, man,” he said. “See you two later. Don’t let Sam eat all those eggrolls, Josh, they’re for you too!” He raised the cups in mock-cheers and left. Josh shook his head as they watched Mike head back to his restaurant.

“He’s such a tool,” he said. Sam made a “pfft” sound.

“He’s not so bad,” she said. “He just likes to put on an act.”

Josh side-eyed her, grabbing an eggroll. “That so? You know Sammy, if I didn’t know better I’d say you _like_ him.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Mind your beeswax, Washington.”

After a mind-numbingly dull day at work, Josh biked home and headed up the stairs. He noted that the box full of textbooks had been cleaned up. He looked over at the door to 42D, wondering if Chris was back from the hospital. He considered knocking on the door, but decided that maybe he had caused enough damage in the poor guy’s life and should just leave him alone. He went inside, kicked his door shut, and crossed to flop face-first on his couch.

 

* * *

The next morning, Josh had a therapy appointment. He hated therapy days. He slouched around the house getting ready and grumbled to himself the whole bike ride there. After a mediocre session of avoiding answering questions and making his therapist sigh heavily once or twice, he stopped by the pharmacy to refill his prescription of crazy pills (his therapist hated when he called them that, so he made sure to do it every time they were mentioned), and then he went home. He was in a sour mood, and all he wanted to do was take a nap. Therapy drained him every time. If his parents didn’t threaten to stop paying his rent if he quit, he’d have dropped that therapist like a hot potato.

When he got in his apartment, he headed straight for the couch. He closed his eyes, but opened them almost immediately when he noticed the loud video game sounds coming in through the wall between his apartment and 42D. He frowned, sitting up and listening to the sounds of some first-person shooter game and growing more pissed off the longer it went on. Finally, with a muttered expletive, Josh stood up, marched over to the wall, and pounded on it a couple times.

He waited. Instead of the noise going away, he heard one sharp knock from the other side of the wall, and then to his disbelief, the video game’s volume got _louder_. What the hell? Was he fucking with him? Josh stared at the wall, fuming. He was hardly a sympathetic person to begin with, and he was losing what little he had for Chris. It wasn’t Josh’s fault Chris broke his stupid leg. It was an accident! If this punk wanted to play the passive aggressive game, Josh would play. And he would win.

Forgoing his nap, Josh dug around in his closet until he found one of his old Halloween decorations, an extremely creepy and surprisingly realistic-looking gory zombie animatronic. That night, when he didn’t hear any more sounds from Chris’s apartment, Josh slipped out of his bedroom window and onto the fire escape. He looked over to Chris’s fire escape. Since the layouts of the apartments were the same, he knew Chris’s bedroom window was right there. Perfect. All he had to do was jump the couple of feet to the other landing. He chanced a glance downwards and sucked in a breath. It wasn’t a long jump across, but it was a very long fall, four stories down. He wondered briefly if he was really that petty, to risk a fatal drop just to get revenge on a noisy neighbor. Looking at the animatronic in his hands, Josh decided that yes, he really was that petty, and he leapt over to Chris’s side. Careful to keep quiet, Josh positioned the animatronic so it was facing the window. It was motion-sensored, so when Chris opened his window the next morning, the thing would start thrashing and screeching at him. Josh smirked, wishing he could record the look on Chris’s stupid face.

 

* * *

Josh had to work the next day, and when he got home, he was surprised to find his animatronic in a heap on his doorstep. It had been smashed, the head falling off and the body crumpled. Josh huffed. “You didn’t have to break it,” he muttered, shooting a glare at Chris’s door. He took the remains of his prank inside and started to ponder what his next move should be.

As it turned out, Chris took the next move. Which was apparently to start stealing Josh’s newspapers. Josh, who hardly read the newspaper anyway, laughed to himself when he realized what Chris was doing. Talk about amateur hour. Since clearly Chris thought newspapers were worth stealing, Josh started waking up early to get both his _and_ Chris’s papers, and then he took the comics out and left the rest. Chris seemed like the kind of person who would be especially butt-hurt about this.

The two continued their passive aggressive standoff, and eventually Josh started telling Sam about it. She was not nearly as amused by it as she should have been.

“It’s been two weeks,” she told him one day as they wiped down counters after closing up shop. “When are you gonna give this up?”

“I’m offended by that question,” he replied. “Josh Washington never gives up. Especially not when it’s about revenge.”

“Oh my God,” Sam said, rolling her eyes. “You need to get a life, dude. Tormenting your neighbor _after_ you broke his leg is a little excessive if you ask me.”

Josh flicked his cleaning rag at her. “How dare you! I didn’t break his leg on purpose!”

“I’m just saying, Josh. Maybe you should back off.”

Sam was bonkers. There was no way he was going to let Chris win this one. Chris sucked at this! None of his “pranks” were even good. Josh wasn’t going to throw in the towel to someone that lame.

When he got to his building, he saw the elevator doors were almost shut as he approached them. “Hey, hold up!” he called, jogging forward. A hand shot out to catch the doors and they opened again. Josh skidded to a stop in front of the doors, face-to-face with Chris.

Chris had a cast on his leg and crutches under his arms, and he was looking at Josh with a mixture of irritation and wariness. Josh considered backtracking the fuck out of _that_ situation and just taking the stairs, but the lazy part of him balked at the thought of walking up all those flights. Laziness won, and he figured since he was already this far, he might as well. Without a word, he stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor.

He could feel Chris staring at him, but he kept his eyes determinedly on the row of buttons. Chris coughed. Josh shifted his feet.

“So,” Chris said. Josh looked over at him, but it didn’t appear as though the other man had thought any further into this conversation than that, because he was looking uncomfortably around the elevator. Josh enjoyed watching him squirm, but when his eyes fell on Chris’s cast, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad. Stupid Sam, filling him with morals and making him doubt his vengeful rage.

“How much longer do you have to wear that?” Josh asked, nodding to the cast.

“Uh, eight more weeks, just about,” Chris said. Josh whistled. The elevator dinged on their floor, and they both startled a little. When they exited the elevator, Josh found himself slowing his pace to fall in step next to Chris. Neither of them said anything. When they got to their doors, Chris pulled out his keys, fumbling as he leaned on his crutches. The keys slipped from his fingers onto the floor. “Son of a bitch,” he mumbled.

Josh watched as Chris shuffled about, trying to figure out how to lean down with his broken leg. Okay, this was too much. Josh had to step in. “Here, I’ll get those,” he said, walking over and kneeling down to pick up Chris’s keys. Chris looked fucking astonished at Josh’s decency. Josh felt mildly offended.

“Uh, thanks,” Chris said. Josh shrugged, walking back to his own door and waiting to make sure Chris didn’t drop his stupid keys again before letting himself inside.

After seeing Chris’s busted leg and seeing how he couldn’t even get his keys off the floor, Josh realized just how difficult it must have been for Chris to pull off those incredibly lame pranks. Damn it, Sam was right. He needed to back off. But he wasn’t about to just stop cold turkey. Oh no, he was going to end this so that he still got the last word. Josh Washington always got the last word.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh buys an apology cake and tries not to be an asshole with mixed results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's pretend i posted this on actual halloween because that would have been cooler

The bell tinkled above Josh’s head as he walked into the bakery. His friend Ashley was at the register, and she grinned when he walked in.

“Hey stranger,” she said. “Long time no see. What’s up?”

Josh smiled back at her with less enthusiasm. He’d known Ashley, as well as the two other girls who worked at the bakery, for a couple years. His sisters, Beth and Hannah, had worked there, before they’d died in February. Since then, he hadn’t really wanted to set foot in the place. But right now, he needed an apology cake.

“Hey Ash,” he said. “I need a cake that will make my neighbor stop thinking I’m evil.”

“We’re not miracle workers,” said a blonde girl, coming out from the back of the store.

“Nice to see you too, Jessica,” Josh said, rolling his eyes.

“What do you want the cake to say?” Ashley said, ignoring Jess’s remark. Josh pondered that. How exactly could he encompass what he wanted to express to Chris into a short enough phrase to fit on a cake?

“Uh, will ‘sorry I broke your leg and then pranked you for weeks on end because you were being vaguely annoying to me and I have no concept of appropriate retaliation’ fit?” he said weakly.

“Jeez louise, Josh,” Ashley said, mouth agape.

“How about, ‘sorry for being an asshole’?” suggested the third of the girls, Emily, who had apparently walked in behind Josh without him noticing at some point. He jumped, turning around. She was giving him a seriously disdainful look. “Honestly, Josh, you need to get your shit together.”

It was true that this was not the first time Josh had come to the bakery for an apology cake. He’d gotten Sam a ‘sorry I made you cover my shifts for an entire month’ cake -- he was going to need to get her another one of those pretty soon -- and he’d gotten Mike a begrudging ‘sorry I spit in your froyo’ cake after Sam lectured him about it. To name just a few. “What can I say, I do a lot of stupid things,” he said.

“Maybe we should have a supply of ‘sorry for being an asshole’ cakes, just for you,” Jessica teased. She wrote Josh’s order on a piece of paper and he handed her his debit card. Ashley was giving him a weirdly probing look.

“So how have you been, Josh?” she asked. “We’ve missed you hanging out around here.”

He squirmed under her gaze. She was too perceptive; she was like Sam that way, but she was less blunt than Sam, which made it even worse. Ashley was exhaustingly kind, and Josh had no idea how to handle it. “Uh, yeah, I’ve been okay. Besides, you know, breaking my neighbor’s leg.”

Ashley nodded. He could tell she wanted to bring up his sisters. That was absolutely the last thing he ever wanted to talk about to anyone; it was the reason he’d been avoiding the bakery so diligently for the past eight months. Wanting to change courses before this could go any further, he said, “So, what’ve you ladies been up to?”

Emily joined the other two girls behind the counter. “Same old, same old. The other day we had a guy come in here to request a dick-shaped cake. Guess what it was for?”

“Marriage proposal?” Josh joked.

“Gross,” Emily said. “But no; it was a cake to tell his girlfriend that he had herpes.”

Josh hooted with laughter. “You’re fucking with me.”

“I wish I was,” she said, looking disgusted just thinking about it. “People are freaks, Joshua. That is the one thing I will take away from this job.” She tilted her head. “Hey, how come I haven’t seen you on campus lately?”

Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, I uh, I dropped out a few months ago. Pursuing other things for a while, focusing on my, um, career,” he finished lamely. Emily raised an eyebrow.

“Your stupendous career as a frozen yogurt scooper?” she said. Josh flushed.

“The cake will be ready in a few hours,” Ashley said, clearly sensing his distress. She handed him a receipt. “We’ll call you.”

“Thanks. Oh, I almost forgot,” Josh said. “I’m having my annual Halloween party this weekend. You all should come.”

“I’m always down to party,” Jess said. “I’ll be there.”

“We’ll all be there,” Ashley said. She gave Josh that look again, the puppy-eyed sympathy look. Josh really hoped she didn’t try to have a serious heart-to-heart with him at the party; there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to make _that_ conversation easier.

“Cool. See you Saturday then,” he said, giving them a wave before leaving. He headed back to his apartment. He was about to let himself in when he hesitated, staring at Chris’s door. Heaving a sigh, he walked over and knocked.

He heard shuffling on the other side, and then Chris peered out. “Um, what?” he said. Rude.

“Hey, Chris,” Josh said. He bounced on the balls of his feet. This was awkward. “I just wanted to let you know, I’m having a Halloween party this Saturday.”

“Okay.” Chris was looking at him suspiciously. “I guess I won’t call the cops if you guys get too loud or whatever. Thanks for the heads up.” He made to shut the door again, but Josh stuck his foot in between the door and the frame. Chris gave him a startled look.

“Dude, wait,” Josh said. “I’m _inviting_ you. To the party.”

“...why?”

“I don’t know! In case you like parties, I guess,” Josh said. Chris’s brow furrowed.

“Uh, okay. No offense, but…” Chris stopped, and suddenly he looked a lot more pissed off. “You know, actually, yes offense. Why would I want to go to your party? You’ve been nothing but rude to me since I moved in. Honestly, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do _less_ than go to your stupid party. Now get your foot out of my door.”

Josh was annoyed. He’d just spent good money on a cake for this ungrateful jerk. “Excuse me for trying to be a good neighbor,” Josh huffed, foot still in place. Chris barked out a humorless laugh.

“Are you serious, bro?” he said.

Josh smirked, finally yanking his foot away. “I thought I wasn’t your bro,” he said. Chris’s expression shifted from confused to pissed again, and he scowled at Josh as he slammed the door shut. Josh felt a surge of pleasure at Chris’s irritation. Sam’s moral compass hadn’t completely destroyed his dickish tendencies.

When he picked up his “sorry for being an asshole” cake a few hours later, he was starting to feel that irritating twinge of sympathy for his neighbor again. He scrawled a note to Chris to leave with the cake:

 

_Hey man. I think we can both agree that we’ve been acting a bit immature. I’m going to be the bigger man and end it now -- consider this a peace offering. And the party offer still stands. Text me or something if you end up deciding to come: 555-3498. See you maybe. -Josh (40D)_

_P.S. Costumes MANDATORY._

 

He put the note on top of the cake box and knocked on Chris’s door. When Chris opened it to see him standing there again, he looked at Josh like he was a lunatic.

“What on _Earth_ do you want now?”

Josh thrust the box at him, and Chris leaned heavily on his crutch before taking it. He looked at it, and then back at Josh. “Uh…”

Josh turned around and walked away back to his own apartment, leaving Chris standing in his doorway holding the cake and looking dumbfounded.

 

* * *

Saturday arrived with no further interactions with Chris. Josh figured he wasn’t coming to the party. Oh well -- he’d tried, and that was all that mattered. If Chris didn’t want to be friends, that was just fine by Josh. Around 8:30 that night, there was a knock on his door. He got up to answer it, his vampire cape swishing behind him. He had fake pointed teeth pasted over his own incisors, and blood-red contacts -- he looked pretty creepy if he did say so himself. When he opened the door, he was disappointed to see Mike standing on the other side. Next to him was Matt, who usually worked shifts with Mike and did trades with Josh and Sam. Mike, who was dressed like Indiana Jones, beamed at Josh. Josh fixed a weak smile on his face.

“Hey man! Sweet costume!” Mike said, walking inside and slapping Josh on the back. Josh set his jaw. Matt caught his eye and gave him a sympathetic smile. Matt knew that Josh found Mike to be a bit of a jerk; personally, Matt tried to be friends with everyone, so he didn’t seem to be bothered by his coworker’s smarmy bravado.

“Anyone else here yet?” Matt asked. He was wearing a mediocre zombie costume.

“Nope, you’re the first. Booze is on the table in the kitchen,” Josh said, gesturing. Mike rubbed his hands together and made a beeline for the alcohol. Matt and Josh followed him. Josh pulled out his phone and sent a furtive text to Sam.

 

> _**Josh:** pls tell me you’re almost here_
> 
> _**Sam:** hold your horses, i’m in a cab right now_
> 
> _**Josh:** godspeed_

 

Another knock on the door, and Josh left Mike and Matt poring over the selection of drinks to answer it. Jessica and Emily were there, dressed as Batman and Robin, respectively.

“Aw, cute,” Josh cooed, earning an annoyed look from Emily. “Though I gotta say, I’m surprised Em agreed to be the sidekick.”

Judging by Emily’s expression, this had not been a decision she’d agreed to lightly. “It’s because I’m shorter, apparently,” she huffed. Jess, whose Batman outfit was decidedly skintight, smirked.

“Don’t be a baby, Em,” she said. Josh just shook his head and let them both in. Soon after, Sam arrived. When Josh opened the door and took in her Indiana Jones costume, he groaned.

“What?” she said.

“Your costume,” he whined. She looked down at herself.

“You not an Indiana Jones fan?” she asked.

“No, it’s not that, but Mike--” Josh was cut off by Mike appearing by his side and grinning from ear to ear.

“Samantha,” he said. “You are a woman after my own heart.”

She unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile of her own. “Well, one of us is gonna have to change.”

“No way! This is a sign, Sam. We are so in sync.” He practically dragged her into the house, and Josh rolled his eyes.

The last person to arrive was Ashley, dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. She stared uneasily at his teeth and eyes. “Those look… _way_ too real,” she said.

“Perks of having a dad in the movie industry,” he said proudly. “You look adorable.” Well, that was everyone. Josh poured himself a drink and stood against the wall between the kitchen and the living room, watching his friends mingle. He tried to ignore the twinge of sadness in his stomach, because seeing everyone so happy just reminded him that his sisters weren’t there to enjoy it. He tossed back the rest of his drink like it was medicine, grimacing.

Ashley caught his eye from across the room and started to make her way over to him. Ah, crap. Josh hadn’t had enough to drink to deal with Ashley trying to get him to talk about his feelings. Luckily, he was saved by a knock on the door. He dodged his well-meaning friend and hurried over to answer it.

Chris stood in his doorway, propped up on his crutches and wearing blood-spattered hospital scrubs, face covered in pale makeup and dark circles under his eyes. His cast stuck out from under his scrubs. He looked nervous.

Josh blinked in surprise. “Oh. Hey.”

“Hi,” Chris said. “Um, sorry I didn’t text you. But… am I still invited to your party?”

“Yeah, of course. Here, come in.” Josh stood back to let Chris inside. This was definitely unexpected. But considering Chris’s arrival had spared him a heart-to-heart with Ashley, he figured he owed Chris one now. Josh led Chris into the living room where everyone else was. Sam looked from Chris to Josh and then gave Josh a look that clearly said, _is that the guy?!_

Josh widened his eyes meaningfully and mouthed, _explain later_ , before clearing his throat and saying, “Hey guys, this is Chris. Chris, this is everyone.”

“Hey,” Chris said, waving. What a dork.

“Want me to tell you everyone’s names or something?” Josh said. He wasn’t really sure what to do with Chris. Luckily, his neighbor didn’t seem to be very high-maintenance.

“It’s okay, I can meet people on my own. Do you have anything to drink first, though?”

Josh led Chris to the drinks and then awkwardly drifted away towards the party again. Sam pulled him aside.

“Did you know he was gonna come?” she asked. Josh shook his head.

“No clue,” he said. “Last time we talked he seemed pretty pissed at me. Maybe he's bored or something.”

Sam nodded thoughtfully, casting a furtive glance at Chris. “I wasn't expecting him to look so… dorky. I can’t believe you were picking on him for so long.”

“Hey, he retaliated,” Josh said. “One might even say he started it.”

“You’re the only one who would say that,” Sam said. “Anyway, you didn’t mention that he was cute.”

Josh frowned. “Is he?”

“I mean, he’s not really my type, but yeah,” Sam said with a shrug. “I hope he has a nice time. Don’t be mean to him, okay?”

Josh pressed a hand to his chest. “Perish the thought.”

A little while later, Mike had convinced everyone to watch some shitty scary movie on Netflix, so they all crowded around the TV. Josh stood by the wall a few feet away, having seen this particular film before and being far from impressed. He had more fun watching Ashley shriek and hide her face in Jessica’s shoulder. He almost didn’t notice Chris hobble over to stand next to him.

“Hey,” he said, causing Josh to startle a bit. He turned to face Chris.

“Hi,” he said. “Not into the movie either, huh?”

Chris shrugged, lifting his beer to his lips. “Eh, it’s not the worst. Not a lot of room to sit over there, though, and the ol’ leg needs quite a bit of room.” He let out a quiet chuckle. Josh found it almost endearing.

“I can get you a chair or something,” he offered.

“It’s cool.” Chris leaned back against the wall. “Your friends are nice.”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. He shot a look at Mike. “Well, mostly.”

Chris chuckled again. They stood in silence for a few minutes. For once, it wasn’t awkward. Josh wondered if it was the booze that was making him feel all warm and loose, or maybe it was the fact that Chris wasn’t looking at him like he was a dangerous criminal anymore. Whatever the reason, he found himself saying, “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me.” Chris looked down. “And thanks for the cake, by the way. That was kind of… weird. But thoughtful.”

“Don’t mention it,” Josh said, taking a swig of his drink. “Seriously, don’t say anything about it in front of Sam. She always makes fun of me when I buy people apology cakes.”

“You break people’s legs often?” Chris said, side-eyeing him. Josh snorted.

“You were the first, actually.”

“Well now I feel really special,” Chris said. He was smiling. His face looked a lot less stupid when he smiled, Josh thought. He could almost kind of understand what Sam was talking about with the whole cute thing. “So, speaking of apologies…” Chris began.

“Yeah,” Josh said. “Look, man, I’m sorry about breaking your leg. It was not intentional, I swear.”

“I know,” Chris said. “I’m sorry for being pissy that day with the video game. I was still in pain and I was sort of blaming you for the whole thing.” His smile turned rueful. “But obviously you didn’t knock me down the stairs on purpose.”

“It still kind of was my fault,” Josh said.

Chris titled his head, conceding. “Well, I’m willing to let it be water under the bridge if you are.”

Josh nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good plan.” He was surprised at his own answer -- he rarely let anything be water under a bridge. Maybe he just liked the idea of getting off the hook for breaking Chris’s leg.

It was well after three in the morning when everyone finally left. Josh made sure the especially inebriated ones in the group -- Mike, Jessica, and, surprisingly, Ashley -- were safely in cabs. He went to the bathroom and unstuck his fake fangs and took out his contacts. He was drunk and exhausted. He took his crazy pills and shrugged out of his costume, fully ready to fall into bed in his underpants. He walked out into the living room and that’s when he heard the knocking. It was coming from the wall he and Chris shared, and it was the first part of shave-and-a-haircut. He frowned slightly and went up to the wall. After a moment’s hesitation, he knocked the “two bits” part. His phone buzzed.

 

> _**Unknown:** i wondered if you were still up_
> 
> _**Unknown:** it’s chris btw_

 

Josh raised an eyebrow, a bemused smile coming over his face. He typed out a quick reply.

 

> _**Josh:** yeah i was just going 2 bed_
> 
> _**Chris:** oh ok, i won’t keep you up. just wanted 2 say thanx for inviting me tonight. _
> 
> _**Chris:** i’m new to this area so it was nice to meet new ppl._
> 
> _**Chris:** nighty night_
> 
> _**Josh:** night, /bro/_
> 
> _**Chris:** lmao _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it turns out i have more time to write this than i anticipated so chapter updates will be frequent? maybe? also, no promises but i'm feeling like this will be a 5-part thing. we will see.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh almost has a terrible Thanksgiving, and Sam continues to know Josh better than he knows himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full disclosure, i forgot they're all under 21 so i'm fudging canon so that everyone is of legal drinking age. cool? cool.

After the Halloween party, Josh and Chris started seeing a whole lot more of each other. It might have been because neither of them was actively avoiding the other anymore, but Josh couldn’t help but feel like Chris was going out of his way to run into him. Not that he was bothered. Chris was actually kind of fun to be around, even if he was a huge nerd. One day when they were standing in the hall chatting, as they tended to do, Josh commented on the fact that he rarely saw Chris leaving his apartment for a long period of time.

“Did you get time off work because of your leg or something?” he asked, leaning against the wall between their two doors.

“No, actually I work from home,” Chris said. “I work for a tech support site, it’s all online so I can do it pretty much anywhere. And it just so happens that I transferred to a fully online school this semester, so I haven’t had to miss any classes.”

Okay, Chris was clearly a total shut-in. Josh could respect that -- if he had it his way, most days he wouldn’t even leave his bedroom. However, he suspected he and Chris probably had different reasons for wanting to be at home on a computer all day. “What’re you studying?” he asked.

“Information tech,” Chris said with far too much enthusiasm. “My dream job is to be an app developer.”

Josh snorted. “No offense, dude, but you’re a nerd.”

“Oh yeah? Well what are you studying?” Chris replied, trying and failing to look indignant. Josh’s amused look slipped from his face as he floundered for an answer that didn’t reveal just how much of a head case he actually was.

“Um, I was studying psych, but I dropped out. College wasn’t really my scene. I might go into the movie business with my dad,” he added. That last part was mostly a lie, but his therapist had suggested it as a possible career path the other day, and Josh decided it was a pretty good explanation when people asked what he was going to do with his future.

Chris seemed to buy it. “That’s cool, man. Forging your own path. I like it.”

So there were the hallway chats, and those were fun and pretty normal for neighbors, Josh thought. But there was also the knocking on the wall, and that would maybe be a bit weird to an outsider. It was always Chris who started it, usually later at night. He’d knock shave-and-a-haircut on the wall, and then Josh would tap back the last two knocks, which signalled to Chris that he was home and able to talk. At that point Chris would either start texting him or occasionally just come over and knock on his door. Josh wasn’t sure why Chris didn’t just text him in the first place instead of the wall-knocking, but he didn’t really mind. It was like some kind of secret handshake. Plus, he found himself enjoying indulging Chris’s weird quirks. He even allowed Chris to get him hooked on some of the video games he was always playing, and they started spending at least one day a week on Chris’s couch, Josh trying to elbow Chris in the face so he wouldn’t beat him at whatever game they were playing.

 

* * *

 

As November trudged along and Thanksgiving drew near, Josh started to get anxious. He was always anxious, but this was about something specific on top of his general feelings of doom. Thanksgiving without his sisters was bound to be awful, and he dreaded sitting at the too-big table in his parents’ expansive house, listening to the clink of forks and feeling Hannah and Beth’s absence like a crushing weight. He hated his parents’ house.

As it turned out, he didn’t have to worry about that after all, because one day Josh’s mother called him to tell him they weren’t going to be home for Thanksgiving anyway.

“What? Why, where are you going?” he asked.

“Your father has to go overseas for a film project and I’m going to go with him,” Mrs. Washington replied. “It’s not perfect timing, but it’s an important trip.”

“But what am I supposed to do?” Josh said, trying to hide the whine in his voice.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, we can do something another day if you really want.” His mother didn’t sound too thrilled at that prospect, and Josh wasn’t either.

“Yeah, okay. Bye.” Josh hung up, feeling dejected. It’s not like he’d _wanted_ to do Thanksgiving this year, but the thought of spending the day alone in his apartment was almost worse than the gloominess of the Washington’s house. And it was definitely more pathetic.

He griped to Sam about the whole ordeal, and she offered to bring him along to her family’s dinner. “You might have to pretend to be my boyfriend for my grandma to allow it, though,” she said. “She’s not big on ‘outsiders.’”

Josh huffed out a laugh. “Is your family a cult?”

She smirked. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Really though, what do you say?”

He shrugged, not particularly keen on the idea of pretending to be Sam’s boyfriend -- or about meeting her weird cult relatives. “Thanks for the offer, Sammy, but I’ll pass. Maybe it won’t be so bad; I’m sure someone else isn’t going home for Thanksgiving, I’ll just invite them over.”

“Okay,” Sam said, looking concerned. “I’d just hate for you to be alone…”

“I’ll be fine, Sam.” He turned away from her, hating the worry in her eyes.

But as it happened, pretty much everyone else he knew had families who didn’t abandon their only living child to go gallivanting overseas. Ashley was going to visit her cousins in Connecticut, Jessica and her mother were going to Vermont, Emily was doing some kind of volunteer work with her parents, and Matt was going to be spending some quality time with his brother in San Diego. Josh even asked Mike, that’s how desperate he was.

“Sorry, bud, I’m working all day on Thursday,” he said, leaning on the counter and poking at the froyo Josh had brought him. Josh gripped the bag of wontons Mike had given him and tried to look sympathetic instead of amused. Even though Mike had been his last hope, he couldn’t help but be pleased to know that Mike would be stuck at work on a holiday. Sucker.

He went home from work that day with a headache and a heavy feeling of stress in his guts. He supposed he’d have to resign himself to a lonely day at home watching _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_ and drinking until he passed out. Not surprisingly, he ran into Chris outside his door.

“Hey,” Chris said eagerly. “I was wondering when you’d be home. I wanna show you something.” He held up a DVD box and wiggled it. Josh squinted to read the title.

“ _Sharknado_?” he said skeptically. “Chris, why the hell do you want me to see this?”

“Because you made me sit through _Jaws_ last week and I think we should carry on with the shark theme,” Chris said, looking way too excited about this. “C’mon, dude, it’ll be hilarious. Also I need to sit down soon, so open the freaking door already.”

Josh grumbled, but he unlocked his door and let Chris inside just the same. Chris immediately headed for the couch, easing himself down and sighing in relief.

“I can’t wait to get this fucking thing off,” he said, frowning at his cast. Josh sat down next to him.

“How much longer now?” he asked, picking up the _Sharknado_ case and looking it over with mild disgust.

“About a month,” Chris replied. He snatched the box from Josh’s hand. “Quit looking so miserable, you are going to enjoy this goddamn shark tornado.”

The movie was exactly as Josh predicted it would be: terrible. But Chris’s laugh was contagious and it was fun to make fun of how bad the special effects were. By the end of the movie, Josh had almost forgotten why he’d been so gloomy a couple hours ago. Then Chris asked him, “So what’re you doing for Thanksgiving?” He pointed to the picture on Josh’s coffee table of his family from a few years back. “Going to visit the fam?”

Josh swallowed hard, looking at the tiny images of his sisters, frozen in time and seeming so happy. He hadn’t told Chris that his sisters were dead. That fact, along with his array of mental health issues, was kept tightly under wraps for anyone who didn’t already know. In fact, the only person besides his parents who really knew the full extent of all those things was Sam. Josh wasn’t quite ready to show Chris all the skeletons in his closet, so he tried to look casual and replied, “Oh, my family’s all pretty busy this year, so I’m just gonna hang out here by myself.”

“What?” Chris said. “That sucks, dude. Won’t you be lonely?”

Josh plastered on a nonchalant smile. “Nah, I don’t mind.”

Chris frowned. “Well hey, my parents always do an early dinner thing at like, two in the afternoon, so I’ll probably be back here around seven or eight. You want me to come over? I’ll bring pizza.”

“What, you’re not going to bring me a full turkey dinner?” Josh joked, trying to hide the fact that he was overwhelmed by the kindness of Chris’s proposition. He hadn’t thought they were close enough to ask Chris to hang out with him on Thanksgiving, so the fact that he was offering was a bit mind-boggling. “Seriously, though, you don’t have to do that.”

“No, no, it’s no biggie! I’ll be bored at home anyway.” Chris looked at him with such earnestness that Josh couldn’t have said no even if he wanted to.

So the plan was set, and Josh felt mildly less miserable about the whole parents-abandoning-him thing. When he told Sam about it, she just hummed thoughtfully and gave him a look he couldn’t decipher.

Thanksgiving day, Josh watched the parade on TV in his underwear and laid on the couch in a sullen, drowsy mood. It wasn’t until he got Chris’s text saying he was on his way that Josh even had the energy to get dressed. When Chris knocked on the door, Josh opened it with a lethargic half-smile.

“Hey, Chris. Uh, what’s that?” he asked, eyeing the foil-covered plate Chris was precariously balancing as he leaned heavily on one crutch.

“Here, take it, I’m gonna drop it,” Chris said, and Josh quickly took the plate from his hands. It was heavy and warm.

“What is this?” he asked again. Chris just waved him back and Josh moved to let him inside. Chris led the way into the kitchen and Josh followed with an amused smile on his face. Chris looked super excited for whatever was on this plate.

“Here, set it on the table,” Chris said, his upper body practically wiggling with anticipation. Josh raised an eyebrow at him, but did as he was told. Chris reached over and removed the tinfoil with flourish. “Ta-da,” he said proudly.

The plate was laden with all the fixings of a Thanksgiving dinner; turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, the whole shebang. Josh looked from the plate to Chris, who was watching his reaction anxiously. “What do you think?” he said.

Josh fumbled for words. “You… you didn’t have to do this. I thought we were just gonna have pizza.”

Chris pursed his lips. “Yeah, but then I realized that’s like, the lamest Thanksgiving dinner ever. So I very stealthily took some leftovers for you.”

It was such a thoughtful gesture, and Josh didn’t think it was possible for him to get teary-eyed over turkey, but damn it if he wasn’t close. He cleared his throat and told himself to get a freaking grip, Chris would think he was totally nuts if he started weeping over a plate of food. “Thanks, bro,” he said in what he hoped was a casual, non-emotional voice.

“Don’t mention it,” Chris said.

The two of them sat on Josh’s couch and watched _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_ while Josh ate. He tried to get Chris to split it with him because he felt weird eating by himself, but Chris said that he would literally explode if he tried to fit more food into his body. Even though he’d done nothing but lay around all day, Josh felt sated and sleepy when he’d finished eating. He slumped a little lower in the couch.

“Sorry dude, I’m losing steam,” he told Chris, blinking sleepily. Chris looked down at him.

“Probably the turkey,” he said. “It’s like, a sedative or something.”

_That and the chronic depression_ , Josh thought. Speaking of, he needed to take his crazy pills. He sat up with a groan. “I gotta pee, I’ll be right back.” He walked to the bathroom and quickly downed his meds, flushing the toilet to keep his lie believable. When he returned, Chris was scrolling through something on his phone. He smiled when Josh came back in and then stretched stiffly.

“I should probably get back to my own place, let you sleep,” he said. He grabbed his crutches from where they leaned against the couch arm and stood up. “Thanks for having me over.”

“I’m one hundred percent sure I should be the one thanking you,” Josh said, shaking his head. “That food was fucking delicious.”

“That was all my mom’s doing,” Chris said. “I can’t cook for shit. But I’m glad you liked it.” He walked with Josh to the front door. “So, I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

“See you in the hallway,” Josh agreed. They both stood there awkwardly, Chris making no move to open the door. The air seemed heavy around them, and Josh felt like something should happen. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but the tension was killing him. Clearly Chris felt it too, because he lifted one arm as if he were about to hug Josh, but instead he just patted his shoulder and then left. Josh furrowed his brow, staring at his now closed door. “That was weird,” he muttered to himself, and then he went to bed.

 

* * *

 

The next Friday, Josh and Sam joined Mike and Matt at a bar after they’d closed up at their respective shops. Mike, who was already well on his way to plastered, kept asking Sam to dance with him, despite the fact that they were sitting in a booth in a crowded bar and no one else was dancing. Sam seemed to find this hilarious and endearing. Josh poked at the ice in his drink moodily with his finger. Sam had practically dragged him along with them, telling him it was healthy for him to spend some time with friends outside of work. That was how he’d ended up telling her, rather indignantly, about all the time he’d been spending hanging out with Chris, including Thanksgiving.

“Something kinda weird happened at the end of the night, though,” he said. “When we were saying goodbye.”

“Did you guys make out?” Mike said with a dopey grin. Josh felt his face flush for some reason.

“What? No! We were just saying goodbye, and like, I dunno, there was this weird… feeling. Like something should have happened, but it didn’t. Then he left.”

“Hmm,” Sam said, tapping her chin with one finger. “Well, Joshy, I’ll tell you what it sounds like to me. It sounds like you like him.”

Josh, who had been taking a sip of his drink, choked and dribbled rum and coke all over his front. “What do you mean, I _like_ him?” he spluttered. Sam and Mike were laughing. Matt at least had the decency to toss him a napkin. Josh shot him a grateful look, deciding that Matt was his only true friend.

“Think about it, Josh. You like spending lots of time with him, you actually find his weird nerdy interests endearing, and now you’re feeling _tension_.” Sam nodded to herself like she’d just cracked some difficult code. “You totally have a thing for him.”

“The lady’s right,” Mike said, tipping his glass towards Sam. Josh rolled his eyes; Mike always agreed with Sam. He turned to his only ally at the table, but even Matt looked convinced. Damn it! He needed new friends.

“You guys are full of it,” he said. “Sam, this is the same guy who I _hated_ like, a month ago, remember?”

“Hey, you know what they say,” she said. “There’s a very fine line between love and hate.”

“Yeah, well, that’s a stupid saying,” he grumbled.

“Maybe,” Sam said. “But I still think I’m right. And if it makes you feel any better, he totally likes you, too.”

Josh stared at her. Why was he blushing again? Maybe he needed to stop drinking. He pushed his cup away from himself. “What the hell makes you say that?”

“You don’t bring a full-on Thanksgiving dinner to someone you think is just _okay_ ,” she said. “Not to mention the knocking on the wall thing. There’s no way that’s platonic.”

Josh shook his head, even as he started to wonder if maybe she was right. “Whatever. I should go, before I get drunk enough to actually start believing you clowns.”

Sam watched him rise from the booth. “You gonna get home okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ll take a cab. You?” he said. Matt raised his hand a little.

“Designated driver right here,” he said. “I got ‘em, don’t worry.”

“Okay. If Mike embarrasses himself in public, please document it for me,” Josh said. Mike either didn’t hear him or didn’t process that he was being made fun of, because he gave Josh a sloppy fistbump as he left.

“Say hi to Chris for us!” he called, and Josh gave him a withering look before he left the bar. On the cab ride home, he tried to wrap his booze-soaked brain around what Sam had said. Did he… _like_ Chris? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d liked anyone; even before his sisters had died, he’d had too much trouble letting people in to really develop any kind of romantic bond. And since February, a relationship was the last thing on his mind. How had these feelings just crept up on him like that? Was that a thing that happened?

He was still stewing over all of this when he stumbled into his apartment, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Chris’s all-too-familiar knocking pattern on his wall. He stared at the wall from across his semi-dark living room, heart pounding from the surprise and from… nervousness? Josh shook himself and walked over to the wall, knocking twice. Chris texted him.

 

> _**Chris:** thought i heard your door, wanted 2 make sure you got home ok!! :)_

 

Josh stared at the message as if it needed to be decoded. His heart was still pounding, and he felt himself flushing again. He leaned gingerly against the wall and sighed. “Shit,” he said aloud. Sam was right, as usual. He definitely had a gigantic crush on Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: next chapter's gonna have smut. get hype.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh has a terrible day. Chris has a great idea. Things get weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains some smut, so if that's not your bag, i'm sorry. don't skip this chapter though, there's plot here too! (also, i've read this chapter and fiddled with it like a million times and i still can't tell if i like it, but here's hoping.)

Josh was having another absolutely miserable day. It was a therapy day, which was already bullshit. And then at his appointment, his therapist told him that they were going to try him on yet another new medication soon, since this one seemed to be making him especially lethargic. The appointment went overtime because Josh argued against getting new meds, so he ended up being late to his shift at the frozen yogurt shop. That wouldn’t have been so bad if Steven, his manager, hadn’t decided to do an impromptu inspection that day. So of course, Josh got fucking reamed, Steven yelling about how “you need to shape up, Washington,” and “are you aware of how replaceable you are?” Which of course put Josh in a _splendid_ mood.

He needed to get drunk, like, immediately. He stopped by a questionable liquor store on the way home and bought a six pack of beer, ready to drink until he forgot about how garbage his life was. He grumbled quietly to himself the whole elevator ride upstairs to his floor. When he tried to fish his keys out of his pocket, he accidentally dropped the six pack, and the bottles shattered. Beer splashed everywhere.

“Fuck!” he bellowed. He stared at the mess, chest heaving. “Are you fucking me? What the fuck!”

A door clicked open. Chris poked his head out. “Josh?” he said, sounding worried. “You okay, bro?”

Josh looked at him, still breathing heavily. “Do I _look_ okay?”

Chris stepped out of his apartment and took in the mess Josh’s shattered six pack had made. “Eesh. Dude, that blows,” he said.

“Just the cherry on top of this horse shit sundae of a day,” Josh said, kicking a piece of glass and scowling. Chris bit his lip.

“Hey,” he said finally. “Come over. I just ordered pizza. I’ve got beers in the fridge. We can watch a movie or something. Your pick.”

Josh hesitated. Ever since he’d come to terms with his crush, hanging out with Chris one-on-one made him jittery and nervous as all hell. “I should probably clean this up,” he said weakly, gesturing to the mess. Chris shrugged.

“It’s not like it’s going anywhere,” he said. “C’mon, dude, seriously. You look like you could use some pizza and a beer.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. Sighing dramatically as though he carried the weight of the world, Josh stepped over the broken beer bottles and crossed to Chris’s door. “Fine, you win.”

Chris beamed at him. “Sweet. Come on, I’ll get you a plate.” Josh followed him into the house, and Chris nodded at the box of pizza on the kitchen counter. “Got your favorite,” he said. Josh walked over to the box and opened it, then squinted at Chris suspiciously.

“Why’d you do that?” he said. Chris looked sheepish.

“I may or may not have been already planning on inviting you over this evening,” he said. “I thought I might have to bribe you with food, though, since you’re always mysteriously too busy to hang out lately.”

Josh quickly looked back at the pizza, cheeks reddening. _Don’t be so obvious, idiot_ , he thought. Despite Sam’s insistence that Chris liked him back, he was seriously doubtful of that. Josh was abrasive and snarky even on his good days. Chris was too much of a cuddly dork to be into that.

“Here,” Chris said, shoving a plate into his hands. “I’ll get the beers. Put on a couple slices for me, will ya?” Josh obliged, piling the plate with pizza and then turning towards the living room. Chris shook his head.

“Nah, dude, in here,” he said, gesturing to his bedroom. Josh froze. For a wild moment he wondered if Chris was coming on to him.

“Uh,” he said. Chris seemed to follow his train of thought, because he suddenly looked very flustered.

“No, um, it’s just that my, my leg, you know,” he stammered. “The bed’s more comfortable. And I’ve got a TV in there.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Josh said, mentally berating himself. _Quit making it weird for once in your life_. He followed Chris into the bedroom, which looked exactly how he’d expected Chris’s bedroom to look. Slightly cluttered, a fancy desktop computer on a desk piled with CDs and textbooks, posters for some seriously awful action movies and obscure video games covering the walls. Chris was eyeing Josh as if waiting for his approval.

“Very you,” Josh said finally. Chris smiled. He eased himself onto the bed and heaved his bad leg up. Then he patted the space next to him. Josh, suddenly feeling very sweaty, crawled onto the bed and sat down, leaving a good few inches between them.

Despite Chris saying that Josh could pick the movie, they ended up watching one of Chris’s dumb action flicks that he was obsessed with. To be fair, it was Josh’s idea; he found it hilarious how into the cliche plots Chris got. And maybe Josh was just imagining things, but Chris was getting especially touchy-feely. He kept touching Josh’s knee, or grabbing his arm. Every time he did, Josh felt like his skin was going to burst into flames. He had no idea what was happening in the plot half the time because Chris kept freaking touching him. Eventually he felt so warm that he took off his jacket and tossed it on the floor. He heard his keys spill out of his pocket, but he couldn’t be bothered to pick them up.

As the movie drew to a predictable close, Chris let out a whoop of joy and settled back against his pillows, taking a drink from his third beer. Josh, who was also on his third, was feeling pleasantly buzzed. Chris was looking at him like he was trying to figure out a very complex puzzle. Josh picked at the label on his beer bottle, hoping his crush wasn’t the glaringly obvious neon sign that he felt it was.

After a moment, Chris sat up again, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” he said. Josh looked at him, eyebrow raised. “Let’s play truth or dare.”

Josh snorted. “What are we, fourteen years old?” he said. Chris was still grinning like this was the best idea he’d ever had.

“What’s the matter, Washington? Too chicken?” he said, voice going low and teasing. Josh wanted to kiss him. He also wanted to push him off the bed. Neither idea seemed like a good one.

“Nobody calls me chicken,” Josh said, doing his best Marty McFly impression. Chris laughed. “Alright, I’ll play your stupid game. Truth or dare?”

Chris deliberated. “Truth.”

“Okay…” Josh had a million questions he’d love to ask Chris, but all of them risked revealing too much on his side. Finally, he just said, “Why do you like such terrible, predictable movies?”

“Is that seriously your question? You could ask me literally anything,” Chris said. He sounded almost disappointed. Josh shrugged. Chris sighed. “Okay then, weirdo. I guess I like them _because_ they’re predictable. The good guy always wins, always gets his lover’s kiss at the end, and evil is defeated in an awesome explosion.” He nodded to himself. “Life’s not that simple, y’know? It’s nice to escape.”

Damn it, even that was endearing. Stupid, endlessly endearing Chris. Josh was such a fucking goner. “I’ll accept that,” he said.

“I’m glad I was able to appease you, Mr. Movie Snob,” Chris said. “Your turn. Truth or dare?”

Truth was the potential for way too many doors to be opened that Josh was not ready to open. “Dare,” he said.

Chris was smiling in a way that could only mean trouble, and Josh thought maybe he should have picked truth after all. “I dare you to kiss me,” Chris said.

Josh wondered if maybe he had gone off the deep end, or if he was in some kind of very realistic-feeling dream. He blinked dumbly. “Could you, uh, repeat that?” he stuttered.

“Kiss me,” Chris said, as if it were the most casual thing in the world. “C’mon, it’s a truth or dare classic, it has to be done.”

Josh continued to stare at him like a moron. He couldn’t tell if Chris was fucking with him, or trying to see what limits Josh had. Yeah, that was probably it. The smug fucker, he probably thought he’d out-dared Josh.

“Hey bro, you don’t have to do it,” Chris said innocently. “I mean, you’d lose the game, but that’s your call.”

Oh, absolutely not. Josh Washington did not lose. “Alright, pucker up,” he said, shifting in the bed so he was facing Chris more fully. Chris smirked, removing his glasses and setting them on the nightstand. He leaned forward, closing his eyes. Josh grabbed Chris’s face and pulled him in for a deep, hard kiss, and Chris made a muffled noise of surprise. Ha. That’d teach him, thinking he’d found a dare Josh wouldn’t do.

He’d only intended to kiss Chris for a second, but there was a small fireworks show going on in his stomach and suddenly he really didn’t want to pull away. That was fine by Chris, apparently, because he had one hand in Josh’s hair and the other on his chest. Josh whined in the back of his throat and opened his mouth slightly, feeling Chris’s tongue against his. Chris was really going at it, and he was a _very_ good kisser. Josh broke away for just a second, sucking in a stuttering breath. Chris was flushed, looking at Josh in a way that made him squirm. He leaned back in for another kiss, and Chris tugged him closer, slowly adjusting himself until he was on his back, propped up against the headboard, and Josh was forced to straddle him to keep their lips together. Chris’s kisses got more aggressive; Josh felt like his lips were bruising and it was fucking _awesome_. He felt the obvious bulge of Chris’s erection through his sweatpants, and when Chris started mouthing along Josh’s jaw, he couldn’t help but shift his hips instinctively against Chris’s. Chris groaned.

“Jesus,” he said, and Josh felt Chris’s hot breath against his neck. He shivered. “Do that again,” Chris said in a rough voice. Josh moved again and Chris swore. “ _Shit_ , man.”

“Can I…” Josh struggled for words, his head clouded with lust and beer and a little confusion; he hadn’t done anything remotely sexual with anyone besides himself in far too long, so he was a bit out of sorts. Chris seemed to understand, because he nodded, licking his lips.

“I can’t really, uh, maneuver very well with the cast,” he said apologetically. That was okay with Josh -- his meds made getting a hard-on a difficult task, so Chris wouldn’t really be able to do much for him anyway. He didn’t think that it was the best time to explain to Chris that he was on crazy pills, however, so he just kissed him again, gently this time.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I got you.” Chris swallowed hard, nodding again. He took Josh’s hand and guided it slowly down. Josh touched the elastic waistband of Chris’s pants, looking at him for confirmation. Chris made a frustrated sound.

“C’mon, Josh,” he said, voice bordering on a whine. “ _Touch_ me.”

Josh quickly reached into Chris’s pants and pushed them down somewhat, freeing his erection from his sweats. His hand closing around the length of it and Chris sighed, eyes closed, lips parted slightly. Josh started up a slow rhythm, watching the blush rise in Chris’s cheeks as he mumbled incoherent sounds. _Holy shit_.

“Oh my God,” Chris blurted when Josh twisted his wrist a certain way. “Fuck. Keep doing that. And c’mere.” With a somewhat shaky hand Chris reached up to thread his fingers through Josh’s hair again, pulling him down for a kiss. His kisses got sloppier and sloppier the more Josh worked him, and soon he was just dragging his parted lips against Josh’s, his hand sliding down to rest on Josh’s shoulder. “Fuck, I’m already close, I’m so close, man.”

“Come on,” Josh murmured. Chris was panting against his mouth. In a wave of confidence, Josh brought his lips to graze the shell of Chris’s ear. “Come for me, Chris.”

That was enough to send Chris over the edge, and his nails dug into Josh’s shoulder as he came with a low groan all over Josh’s hand. Josh stroked him through it, and finally Chris collapsed back, head on pillows, hair flopping in his face from sweat. Josh sat up a bit, still straddling him. Chris was looking extremely smug. Josh couldn’t help but smile. He felt _good_ , making Chris come undone like that. And any shadow of doubt he’d had about the other boy’s feelings towards him were sure as shit gone now.

Chris laughed a bit breathlessly. “I think you won that truth or dare game,” he said. “Unless there’s a dare you’d like _me_ to attempt.”

Josh didn’t miss the suggestion in his voice, but he was only half-hard and he could tell his dick wasn’t going to cooperate tonight. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he said, nodding to Chris’s broken leg. “Besides, I like being the winner.”

Chris smiled lazily, eyelids drooping. “Mm, I figured you might.”

Josh looked down at his hand, which was still covered in come. “I’m gonna wash this off,” he said. Chris, who looked incredibly sleepy, nodded. Josh eased himself off Chris and went to the bathroom, washing his hands and then splashing some water on his face. The combination of his persistent lethargy, the late hour, and the beer swimming in his stomach was making him very tired indeed. And as much as he didn’t want to leave, he felt it was a bit soon to be snuggling up and sharing a bed with Chris, especially with that bulky cast. Besides, he wasn’t exactly sure _what_ their situation was now. He came out of the bathroom to find Chris appearing more awake than he had been before, glasses back on and a slightly worried look on his face.

“Hey, um,” he started, then stopped. Taking a breath, he continued, “That was… okay, right? You didn’t feel like I was forcing you or anything?”

Josh almost laughed. “Dude, no. Believe me, I was more than happy to.”

“Okay. Okay, good.” Chris looked relieved. “Because I was like, I’ve been sending you signals and I thought maybe I was getting some back, but then I thought maybe you were just doing it because you wanted to win the game, and giving someone a handjob to win truth or dare seems like the kind of thing you’d do.”

“I wish I could be offended by that,” Josh said, and this time he did laugh a bit. This was the weirdest goddamn night of his life. “Seriously, though. I did it because, you know, I wanted it too.”

Chris’s smile got bigger. “Good,” he said again. “Fuck, good. Okay. Awesome.”

“You just gonna keep saying synonyms?” Josh teased. Chris attempted a pouting look without much success. When Josh went over to the bed and picked up his jacket and keys from the floor, Chris’s face fell.

“What, you’re leaving?” he said.

“Yeah, uh, there’s not much room on your bed, and… dude, we’re both kind of drunk.” Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “I just think this is probably smarter. We can talk about it in the morning when we’re more clear-headed.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Chris said, though he looked pretty bummed out. Josh was so tempted to stay, but he knew he needed to be responsible about this. That was hardly in his nature, but he really didn’t want to fuck things up with Chris.

“I promise we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” Josh said.

“I’m holding you to that,” Chris said. Josh nodded.

“You got it, Cochise,” he said, giving Chris a mock salute. He went back to his own apartment and almost immediately fell asleep.

 

* * *

When Josh woke up some time later, his head was aching, his body was covered in cold sweat, and he felt dizzy. Panic was constricting his throat, and he shot up in bed, looking around his dark bedroom. What was happening? Something bad. He felt another wave of terror crash over him. He felt like he needed to run far, far away from some unknown danger. He raised his shaking hands in front of his face, blinking until they became visible in the darkness. He tried to figure out what had caused him to wake up mid-panic attack.

His medication. Shit, he’d forgotten a dose. He’d had close calls, but he’d never been this late to take his pills before. This realization made his choking panic increase, but he tried to squash it down. This was okay. He was okay. This was an easy fix. All he had to do was take his meds now, before the withdrawals really set in. He clicked on his bedside lamp and grabbed his jacket from the other side of the bed, where he’d tossed it before passing out. He dug through the pockets, shaking the whole thing out. No pills. He swore. Where were they? Had he taken them out of his jacket? Josh jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, flinging open the medicine cabinet and shoving bottles of ibuprofen and cold medicine out of the way. Nothing.

He pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead. God, his headache was killer. He tried to focus on something besides his building paranoia that was screaming _someone stole the pills, someone wants you dead_. Maybe the pill bottle fell out of his pocket when he was in the hall earlier. Barefoot and disheveled, he stumbled out into the hallway. He couldn’t see anything that looked like a pill bottle. He took a few steps forward and then cursed as pain shot through his foot. Looking down, he realized he’d stepped in the broken glass from his six pack. The irrational thought that someone was after him grew louder. Who would want to hurt him? Chris had been the one to suggest he leave the broken glass there. Did he know this would happen? Did he _plan_ this? No, that was ridiculous.

“Josh? Is that you?”

Josh spun around, eyes wide. Chris had opened his door and was watching Josh with a mixture of concern and confusion. Josh didn’t say anything, just stared at him, his breath coming in short bursts. His foot throbbed dully.

“I thought I heard someone out here,” Chris explained. “Oh, shit, dude, you’re bleeding!”

Josh looked down, and sure enough his injured foot was sliced pretty damn good. He flicked his eyes back up to Chris, and that’s when he spotted the small orange prescription bottle in Chris’s hands. It was Josh’s medication.

Holy shit. He was right; Chris was behind all of this. Chris had stolen his medication. Chris wanted to kill him. Had the whole evening been a distraction so he could steal the pills? Had Chris used Josh’s crush against him? He felt sick at the thought, and his eyes darted around the hallway, looking for an escape.

Chris held up the pill bottle. “Um, by the way, I think you dropped this in my room earlier.” He frowned slightly. “Antidepressants, right? Why didn’t you tell me?” When Josh still didn’t say anything, he took a step forward and said, “Josh? Are you alright?”

“Stay away from me!” Josh said, stumbling backwards. Chris froze.

“It’s okay, man,” he said slowly. “Just… just calm down, alright?”

Josh shook his head frantically. If Chris touched him, he would kill him. Chris took another tentative step forward, the hand holding his meds outstretched, and Josh recoiled. His non-injured foot landed on more of the broken glass. Shit, Chris was backing him into a corner. He was going to chase Josh until he’d stepped on all the glass and bled to death. “Get away!” he said, a desperate edge to his voice.

He felt like there were a million eyes on him. He turned to look at the closed doors of his neighbors and glared at them. He looked back at Chris, and had a sudden urge to shove him, knock him down. The very small part of his brain that was combating his overwhelming paranoia told him that was a bad idea because Chris had a broken leg and wasn’t even threatening him. The majority of his panic-addled brain told him that was a bad idea because even though Chris looked fairly weak and shorter than Josh, Josh was certain that Chris would loom over him and easily hurt him if he got any closer.

Chris was looking thoroughly disturbed. “Josh,” he said, almost in a whimper. “Dude, look. I’m just gonna, gonna throw these over to you, okay?” He tossed the pill bottle at Josh, who flinched. The bottle landed on the ground at Josh’s feet. Chris took a step back, retreating into his doorway again. “There. I’m gonna go inside now, alright? So you can, uh, deal with whatever the hell is going on with you right now.”

Josh snatched the bottle off the ground. All at once, he realized that Chris was not, in fact, out to get him, and now he just felt like a total nutjob. Chris definitely hated him now. The terrified look on his face made that very clear. Josh felt tears sting at his eyes, anger and anguish fighting for control in his mind. He should apologize. He should say _something_. What came out was an aggressive, “Leave me alone.”

Chris’s expression made Josh want to stab himself with one of the shards of glass on the floor. “Yeah. Fine.” Chris backed into his apartment and shut the door. Josh stared at his closed door for a few long moments. When it became clear that Chris wasn’t coming back out, Josh walked back to his own apartment, his feet bleeding and burning with pain from all the broken glass. He shut the front door and slumped against it, unscrewing the lid to his pills with shaking hands and tossing them back. Then he sat on the floor, pressed his forehead to his knees, and waited for the terror to subside. When it did, he was left with a crushing sense of guilt and humiliation. He wasn’t sure which one was worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't have softcore porn without angst in there too amirite


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam comes to Josh's rescue (seriously, what would he do without Sam?).

“Sam, I need you to come over right now.”

Sam groaned on the other end of the phone. “Josh? What the hell time is it?”

He grabbed his alarm clock from his nightstand and squinted at it. “Uh, a little after four a.m.”

She groaned again. “Josh, do you know what I like to do at four in the goddamn morning?”

“Come to my rescue?” Josh said hopefully.

“I like to _sleep_ ,” Sam grumbled. He listened to her shifting around. She yawned. “What exactly is it you need rescuing from? Are you okay?”

“That’s debatable,” he mumbled. “Please, Sammy. You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t necessary.”

After a painfully long pause, she sighed. “That’s true,” she said. “Okay, I’ll be there soon. You at home?”

“Yes. Thank you, Sam, for real. I owe you one.”

“You owe me like a billion, Joshy, but we’ll just add it to your tab,” she said, and then she hung up. He smiled weakly at the phone before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against his headboard with a thunk.

Sam arrived an impressive twenty minutes after his call. She was still in her pajamas, a coat pulled over her too-big T-shirt and her boots clashing hilariously with her pink flannel pants. She glowered at him when he opened the door for her. “Alright, bucko, where’s the fire? I’m hoping this doesn’t have to do with the broken glass and blood in your hallway.”

He shuffled back so she could come in, wincing in pain from his feet. She noticed his expression and her frown turned to one of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Lemme start from the beginning,” he said. They sat down on his couch and he told her everything, starting from when he dropped the beer on the ground. Her expression changed from one of excitement at the truth or dare game (perv), to one of horror when he got to the part about stumbling into the hallway in a panic.

“Wait, you stepped on glass? Josh, oh my God!” She grabbed his legs and pulled his feet into her lap, frowning at the cuts that covered his soles.

“I already got all the glass out,” he told her, not bothering to try to take his legs off her. “Which was awful, by the way.”

“Some of these cuts are pretty deep. You might need stitches, I’m gonna take you to the ER after this,” she said, clucking disapprovingly.

“Okay, whatever, I’m not even to the worst part,” he grumbled. Humiliated, he told her about Chris coming out of his apartment, and how in his paranoid, delusional state he’d assumed Chris was trying to hurt him. He told her about how Chris had looked scared and hurt, and how Josh had angrily told him to leave him alone. When he finished, he didn’t even want to meet Sam’s eyes.

“Oh, Josh,” she said, rubbing a soothing hand along his leg that was still resting in her lap. “Have you ever missed a dose before?”

“No,” he said. “I mean, I’ve come close, but this was bad, Sam. I don’t even want to know what it’d be like if I was off for longer.” He exhaled slowly. “I fucked up big time.”

“What’re you gonna do now?” she asked. He looked at her, smiling bitterly.

“Well, I considered asking my parents to move me into an apartment building as far from here as possible, but then I’d have to tell them that I missed my meds because I was giving my neighbor a drunken handjob, so I think that’s out of the question.” He hunched his shoulders.

“You really should stop drinking so much,” Sam chided. He scowled at her. “Sorry. Seriously, though, Josh, you need to talk to Chris. At a more reasonable hour than this, obviously.”

He shook his head. “Hell no! I can’t ever talk to him again! He probably hates my guts now.”

Sam huffed. “Josh, he’s your next-door neighbor. What, are you just going to strategically avoid him forever?”

“That’s the plan,” he said meekly. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“ _Josh_.”

“ _Sam_ ,” he replied mockingly. She let out a long-suffering sigh, which Josh felt was rather unfair. It was one thing for Josh to sigh melodramatically in response to the burden of his own existence, but for Sam to do it was just plain rude.

“Why do you make life so difficult for yourself?” she muttered. He slumped further into the couch. He wished he had an answer for her that wouldn’t make her mad.

“Chris was too good for me, anyway,” he said finally. “It was only a matter of time before he saw the real me and got scared off.”

Now Sam just looked sad. “Hey, stop that,” she said. “That wasn’t the real you. That was you going through withdrawals. The real you is the guy who watches bad movies just because you know Chris likes them, and plays video games and knocks on the wall and all that other cute stuff you did for him. He knows that, Josh.”

He wanted to believe her, but he couldn’t find it in him. He said nothing, and eventually she patted his leg and said, “Let’s get your feet fixed up.

 

* * *

 

Avoiding Chris was easier than Josh expected. Chris already spent most of his time inside, so all Josh had to do was sneak out his front door quietly enough that Chris wasn’t alerted to him leaving, and he effectively evaded any interaction with his neighbor. He started getting to work on time more often simply because he left the house earlier. Sam knew exactly what he was doing, and it was clear she disapproved, but for once she didn’t lecture him about it. Josh was grateful for that.

So the face-to-face interactions were easy to avoid, and for a couple weeks Josh didn’t see or hear a peep from Chris. He supposed that whatever their rollercoaster of a relationship had been was effectively dead and gone. He was surprised by how much that hurt; after all, it had only been a couple of months. And it was entirely his fault that things ended the way they did. Maybe that’s what was making him so miserable, the fact that it could have been prevented if he hadn’t been such an idiot.

He thought it couldn’t hurt any more than it did. But then the knocking started.

It was a roughly two weeks after the night everything went to shit, and Josh was sitting in his living room staring at the pages of a book Ashley had loaned him and absorbing none of the information. He was just about to give up and google a summary of the stupid thing so he could give it back to Ash and lie about how fascinating it was, when he heard it. The shave-and-a-haircut pattern, tapped out on the other side of his living room wall. It had been so long since he’d heard it that at first he thought maybe he’d just imagined it. He set the book down and stared at the wall. A couple of minutes passed in silence. Then, the knocking came again. Josh exhaled heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. Why was Chris trying to talk to him? Didn’t he hate Josh? Either way, Josh couldn’t face him, not now. He was too humiliated, and too scared to see what Chris thought of him now that he knew about the meds, now that he’d seen what Josh could become.

He half-expected Chris to text him when he didn’t respond to the knocking, but his phone remained silent. He looked at his last message from Chris; it was from a couple days before the bad night, just some unimportant text about a terrible movie Chris liked being added to Netflix. Josh frowned. He’d forgotten to reply to it. He tossed his phone down on the couch.

The knocking persisted every night for the next several days. That same five-beat pattern, the one that used to fill Josh with a comforting warmth now just made him feel like he was being punched five times in the heart. He never knocked back.

 

* * *

 

One day, Josh was at work in the back, trying to reach a box of plastic spoons that was shoved way back on a high shelf. He stood on his toes on the little stepladder, and finally felt his fingers graze the box. Triumphantly, he started to drag it towards himself. Then, he heard Sam’s voice float through from the register up front.

“Oh, hi Chris!”

Josh froze, mind going into panic mode. Okay, don’t jump to conclusions, he tried to calm himself. Maybe it was a different Chris? It was a big city, surely Sam had to know other people named Chris who would come into a frozen yogurt shop in December, right?

But a familiar voice, one he hadn’t heard in weeks, said, “Hey, Sam, right? Um, is Josh here today?” and then Josh fell backwards off the stepladder, the box he’d been reaching for spilling off the shelf and showering him in purple plastic spoons. The front of the shop had gone quiet, and he was sure they’d both heard him.

After a pause, Sam’s voice said, “Yeah, he’s in the back, I’ll get him. Can I get you something first?”

Josh didn’t even hear Chris’s order, he was too busy freaking out. Why was Chris here? What was he going to do? Maybe he could just stay back here for the rest of his shift. He scanned the shelves as if they’d reveal a place he could hide.

Sam came into the back and stopped short when she caught sight of him sitting on his ass in his plastic spoon shame pile. She raised her eyebrows. “You have a visitor,” she said. “But it looks like maybe you already knew that.”

“Sammy, you’ve gotta get rid of him,” Josh hissed.

“I can’t just kick a customer out of the store, Josh, that’s against policy.”

Josh groaned. “Sam, come on, do me this one solid.”

“Nope.” She walked over to him and hauled him to his feet. She was surprisingly strong. “You’re going to go out there and you’re going to talk to him like an adult.”

“But…” Josh scrambled for an excuse. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” she said.

“Because I’m, you know.” He gestured lamely to his entire body.

“Compelling argument,” Sam replied, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “But you still need to get your ass out there.”

“I already took my break,” Josh whined.

“Okay. You can take mine for me, then,” Sam said simply.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Sammy.”

“Josh. Now.”

She practically shoved him out into the front of the store again. He scanned the shop and spotted Chris sitting outside at one of the tables with a little cup of froyo. Why he was sitting outside in the middle of winter eating frozen yogurt was beyond Josh, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on this, because Sam was giving him the stink eye. He grabbed his jacket from the hook on the wall and put it on, stepping outside and trying not to visibly quake in fear.

Chris looked up when the door opened, and his expression remained calm and decidedly non-furious, so Josh approached the table. Chris nudged the empty chair across from him with his foot and said, “Have a seat.”

“Okay,” Josh mumbled, sitting down. He glanced at Chris’s legs and realized the cast was gone. “Hey, you got it off,” he said. Chris smiled slightly.

“Yeah, last week,” he said. He poked his spoon around in his cup for a moment, and Josh watched someone across the street walk their dog. Chris cleared his throat and said, “So. I think you promised me a talk.” Josh blinked at him. “You said we’d talk when we were both more clear-headed,” Chris prompted, and Josh remembered. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d hold you to that. Even if it is several weeks overdue.”

“Chris…” Josh didn’t know where to start, or even how. “I’m sorry.”

“At first,” Chris said, his gaze dropping back to his froyo. “I was kind of angry. I didn’t know what the hell had gotten into you, but it freaked me out. But then I did a little research on antidepressants, and I figured out pretty quick what withdrawals looked like.”

Chris _would_ research that. Josh felt like something was squeezing painfully at his chest. He didn’t say anything; he wished he had something to occupy his hands like Chris did.

“Why’ve you been avoiding me, man?” Chris continued, his voice constricting slightly. He looked up at Josh when he said it, and his eyes were hard, searching. Josh licked his lips nervously.

“I… it’s complicated,” he said lamely. Chris arched an eyebrow.

“Try me,” he said. Josh sighed.

“That… that night,” he began. “I was having a really bad paranoid episode, and I thought that you were trying to hurt me.” He spoke slowly, the words coming with difficulty. “I thought that everything we did that night was you trying to trick me so you could steal my pills.” He rubbed his jaw ruefully. “Doesn’t make a lot of sense, I know. Once I got my head screwed on straight again, I figured you hated me. I mean, I’d acted like a total lunatic. And you knew about the meds, so you knew I was fucked up. I just… I didn’t want to see the way you’d look at me.”

Chris leaned forward. “You thought I’d hate you because you’re depressed? Why would I do that?” He shook his head. “That’s like… like if you hated me because my leg was broken. You’re sick, or hurting, or whatever, and you’re working to get better. Why would I hate you for that?”

Josh swallowed hard. “I dunno,” he said quietly.

“I started to think that, um, maybe the reason you were avoiding me was because of what happened that night. Before the, uh, medication thing.” Chris drummed his fingers anxiously on the tabletop. “I thought maybe you went back to your place and realized you were totally grossed out by what we did and that it was just a drunken mistake. I thought _you_ hated _me_.”

Josh was baffled. “Dude, no. Not even a little bit. I meant what I said about why I did it. I wanted that. Seriously.”

Chris nodded, staring at a point above Josh’s head. He looked a little emotional. Shit, Chris better not start getting weepy or Josh was definitely going to cry. “I’ve never like, made a move on a guy like that before,” Chris admitted. “So I was kind of worried I’d fucked up.”

“No, you were very slick,” Josh said. “Luring me in with pizza and shit movies.”

Chris’s lips twitched. “What can I say, I’m a natural at courtship.” His smile grew bigger. “You know, if you’d told me a few months ago that the guy who’d just busted my leg would end up giving me a handjob, I never would’ve believed it.”

Josh couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re telling me you didn’t fall for me instantly?”

“I was too busy falling down the stairs,” Chris said, and Josh snorted. Chris’s smile faded slightly and he looked serious again. “So… where do we go from here, Josh?”

Josh let out a shaky breath. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I was kind of a fan of the direction we were heading before everything went to shit.” He bounced his leg up and down anxiously. “Do you want to, like… start over? Try again?”

Chris’s gaze softened. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

“My friend Emily’s having a New Year’s party next week,” Josh said. “You should come with me. As like, my date. If you want.”

“Okay,” Chris said, and his hand inched across the table, his knuckles brushing against Josh’s. Josh put his hand on top of Chris’s. He felt like his stomach was full of water, but the painful constrictions around his heart had lessened, and now they hurt in a nicer kind of way. “Which one is Emily again?” Chris asked. “Is she the one who’s sorta… bitchy?”

Josh laughed. “She’s tough at first, but she’s actually pretty okay.”

“How did you even become friends with her?” Chris asked. “Seems like you guys would butt heads a lot.”

“Well, she was actually friends with my sisters,” Josh said, almost without thinking. “They used to work together.”

“They don’t anymore?”

A beat of silence. “My sisters died,” Josh said. “They fell down a cliff at my parents’ lodge in February.”

There they were, all the skeletons in his closet, out in the open for Chris to see. Chris flipped his hand so that he could grab Josh’s, squeezing hard.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said. “I had no idea.”

“I don’t like to talk about it,” Josh said tightly. “But if we’re going to, you know, attempt any kind of close relationship, I guess you deserve to know.”

“I want you to trust me,” Chris said earnestly. “You don’t have to hide things from me. Not even the messy stuff.”

Josh knew he had to get back to work, he could almost feel Sam’s gaze on his back through the shop window. He brushed his thumb over Chris’s fingers. “Trust… isn’t something that comes easy for me,” he admitted, eyes fixed on their interlocked hands. “But I’m working on it. I want to trust you, too.”

Chris nodded, and although he looked a little sad, it was more like empathy than disappointment. “I get it, man. I’m more than willing to prove my trustworthiness to you if that’s what you need.”

“No, no, it’s more me than you,” Josh said. “I’ve gotta work through some internal shit.” He glanced back at the shop window and sure enough, saw Sam watching him. When their eyes met she quickly looked away and grabbed one of their discount fliers from the counter, pretending to look busy. He huffed out a laugh through his nose. “I should get back in there before Sam explodes.”

Chris smiled. “Okay.” He paused, and then nudged his cup of froyo across the table. “Will she be offended if I don’t finish this? It’s way too fucking cold out for frozen yogurt.”

“Yeah, no shit, you nerd,” Josh said, taking the cup. “I’ll toss it for you.” Reluctantly, he let go of Chris’s hand. They both stood up. Without his crutches to hunch over, Chris was a lot taller than Josh realized. The two stared at each other for a moment.

“I’ll talk to you later, then?” Josh said finally. Chris hesitated. He looked stressed. “What is it?” Josh asked.

“Just… don’t disappear on me again, okay, dude?” Chris said. He sounded genuinely worried about the possibility, and Josh felt awful.

“I swear, I’m not going to do that,” he said. “Hand to God.”

Chris nodded, looking like he almost believed it. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.” He tapped Josh lightly on the shoulder with his fist, which Josh thought was pretty fucking lame considering he’d touched the guy’s dick before, but then again, they _were_ in public. Chris gave him a crooked smile and left. Josh went back inside, shuddering as his body adjusted to the warmth of the shop.

Sam leaned forward over the counter, eyes wide. “Well?” she demanded.

Josh set Chris’s unfinished froyo in front of her. “For starters, he didn’t appreciate our goods, Sammy.” When she sighed impatiently at him, he went on. “ _And_ we talked things over and he’s coming to Em’s New Year’s party with me.”

“Yay!” Sam said, grinning. “See, I _told_ you all you had to do was talk to him. When are you going to start taking my advice?”

“Never, probably,” Josh said, hopping over the counter. “I mean, really, Sam, where would be the fun in that?”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinkin' the next chapter is gonna be the last one, y'all. it's already almost done so you can expect it sometime this week!!! i really like it so far so i'm excited to share it with you. thank you so much for all the nice comments you've left so far, and for continuing to read!!!! y'all are the bomb dot com.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and his pals welcome in the New Year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!!! i'm emotional.  
> TRIGGER WARNING for mention of past self harm; nothing too explicit, but it's there. proceed with caution.  
> things get a little frisky, but nothing too ~graphic ya feel.  
> also, josh's internal commentary about how cute chris is, that's like 100% me projecting my own feelings about chris onto him and i'm not even sorry about it.

Josh couldn’t stop thinking about Chris for the rest of the day. In particular, he couldn’t stop thinking about how Chris had looked like he half-expected Josh to up and vanish from his life again as soon as they finished their conversation outside the frozen yogurt shop. Josh had said that he’d need to work at learning to trust Chris, and that was true, but he was beginning to realize that he’d need to earn Chris’s trust again, too, even if the other boy would never admit it. When he got back to his apartment that evening, Josh stood in front of the wall separating his apartment from Chris’s, listening to the faint sounds of Chris’s TV filtering through. Even though it felt a little bit like breaking some unspoken rule, Josh lifted his fist and knocked the shave-and-a-haircut pattern on the wall.

The response was almost instant. The TV noises stopped and two knocks responded to his own. Josh smiled. He took out his phone and texted Chris.

 

> _**Josh:** hey_
> 
> _**Chris:** hi!!!!!! :D_

 

Josh chuckled, shaking his head at Chris’s enthusiasm. He sat down in front of the wall, leaning back against it. His phone buzzed with another text.

 

> _**Chris:** do you wanna hear something kinda gay_
> 
> _**Josh:** absolutely_
> 
> _**Chris:** i’m sitting here pressing my hand up against the wall like some kind of dramatic movie moment_
> 
> _**Josh:** well that is pretty gay, chris, but i’m gonna one-up you because i’ve got my whole body pressed up against the wall right now_
> 
> _**Chris:** come over_

 

Josh felt a nervous rush as he read Chris’s text. Despite what he’d said to Chris earlier that day about wanting to try again, it was still kind of intimidating going over to Chris’s house after his meltdown. But he wanted to show Chris he could be trusted, and they had a lot of missed time to make up for. He got up, left his apartment and stood in front of Chris’s door taking calming breaths for a few moments before he knocked.

Chris answered. He was wearing a well-worn T-shirt and boxers, and that was about it. Josh blinked in surprise.

“Hey, sorry, I was already in my pajamas,” Chris said. “I can put on pants if you want.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Josh said, trying to appear less flustered than he was. He had to choke back a laugh when he noticed that Chris’s calf that had been in a cast was absurdly pale in comparison to the rest of him. “Dude, nice tan line.”

“Fuck off,” Chris said, unable to hide his smile. “That’s your fault, you know.” He stepped back for Josh to come inside.

They both stood in the entryway, and Chris was looking at Josh with a faint smile. Josh wanted to kiss him. He cleared his throat. “Hey, can we--?”

Chris had closed the space between them before he could finish, his hands on either side of Josh’s face and pulling him in for a hard kiss. Josh’s hands flailed at his sides for a moment before he settled them on Chris’s waist. Chris nudged the front door shut with his foot. He attempted to maneuver both of them towards his couch while still kissing Josh, but ended up stumbling over a shoe he’d left on the floor and almost fell flat on his ass. Josh tightened his grip around Chris’s waist as their mouths broke apart so Chris could yelp in surprise. Once he’d righted himself, he laughed sheepishly.

“You okay?” Josh snickered.

“I was trying to be sexy,” Chris said, face pink.

“It was an admirable effort,” Josh said.

“Don’t make fun of me when I’m trying to woo you,” Chris pouted. Josh smirked.

“Oh, is _that_ what’s happening right now?” he teased. Chris, whose wrists were still draped loosely around Josh’s neck, tugged Josh’s face closer to his and kissed him again, and this time Chris was able to back Josh up against the arm of the couch. Chris’s thigh slotted between Josh’s legs, and he inhaled sharply at the feeling. However, his medication still made it really freaking hard to get hard, and he realized that maybe he should give Chris a heads up this time. Reluctantly, he pulled his mouth away, and Chris tried to chase his lips until Josh put a stilling hand on his shoulder.

“Hang on,” he said. “Um, you should know… my, uh, medicine? It makes it kinda hard to, you know, get it up. So I might not be able to do that tonight. I don’t want you to take it personally.”

“Oh,” Chris said. His lips pursed in consideration, which Josh thought was possibly the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. “Well, that’s okay. We can just make out,” Chris said, shrugging. He slid his hands down to press against Josh’s chest. “If that’s cool with you.”

Josh smiled. “Oh, that’s very cool with me.”

Chris tugged Josh around to the front of the couch and sat him down, setting his glasses on the coffee table before climbing into Josh’s lap and grabbing his face to kiss him again. Chris was at least as tall as Josh, and the couch was not very big, but Josh was not about to complain about having Chris this close to him. He let out a soft “oh” against Chris’s mouth when Chris slid his hands up under Josh’s shirt, fingers trailing lightly up and down Josh’s ribs before his hands slipped back out again.

“You wanna take this off?” Chris murmured, tugging at the fabric of Josh’s shirt. Josh nodded, and Chris helped him yank the shirt up over his head. He suddenly felt warm and exposed, remembering too late that his torso was covered in scars. They were mostly old; he hadn't self harmed in several months. Still, he squirmed as Chris settled back little against his thighs, eyeing Josh’s chest and stomach. Chris reached out a gentle hand and brushed his fingers over one of the scars. He moved his gaze upwards to meet Josh's, eyes searching.

Josh’s tongue darted nervously between his lips. “What are you looking at?” he said.

“You, obviously,” Chris said, his expression softening into a small smile.

“Seems a little unfair that you still have a shirt on,” Josh pointed out. Chris’s grin widened and he pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the side.

“Better?” he asked. Josh placed his hands on Chris’s hips, gripping the soft flesh there. Chris had a little pooch of a belly and Josh wanted to nuzzle his face in it. God, Chris was so fucking cute.

“Better,” Josh confirmed. Chris kissed him, slow and tender, and Josh melted back against the couch cushions. He tugged at Chris’s hips to get their bodies closer together, and he could suddenly feel Chris, hard through his boxers, pressing against Josh’s stomach. Chris let out a muffled whine at the sensation.

“Do you want me to…?” Josh said softly. Chris kissed the corner of mouth.

“Nah,” he said. “Doesn’t seem fair if you can’t get off, too. This is fine.”

Josh frowned. “Are you sure?”

“I’m absolutely positive. Now shh,” Chris said, and when he started kissing his way down Josh’s neck, Josh found it pretty easy to shut up.

Eventually, they did have to stop so Chris could cool off. He stayed sitting on Josh’s lap, forehead against Josh’s, breathing slow, shaky breaths.

“You good?” Josh said.

“Uh-huh,” Chris said, lifting his head with a wry grin. “We might need to call it for tonight, though.” He made no move to get off Josh’s lap. They sat there for a moment, just looking at each other with the most ridiculous smiles on their faces. Josh realized how good it was to have this kind of close physical contact with another person. Sure, Sam hugged him from time to time so it’s not like no one ever touched him, but it wasn’t until Chris’s hands were on him that Josh noticed just how achingly lonely he’d been.

“Can I ask you something?” Josh said, breaking the silence.

“Sure,” Chris said.

“So... okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but… why are you being so nice?” Josh said. It was something that had been eating away at a corner of his mind this whole evening. Chris’s brow furrowed in confusion, so Josh went on. “Like, aren’t you even a little mad still? Or at least, I don’t know hesitant? After what happened?”

“Like I told you, I was mad at first,” Chris said. “But once I figured out what had caused it… I couldn’t stay mad, dude. And yeah, I guess maybe I should be more hesitant, but I also really, really like you.” He shrugged. “So I’m gonna believe that you’re sticking around this time.”

Josh could’ve wept in relief and gratitude, but instead he just teased, “You _really, really_ like me, huh?”

“Shut up, jerk,” Chris said, shoving his shoulder. Josh laughed, rubbing his thumbs against Chris’s hips.

“Well, now I’ve gotta know,” Josh said. “When the hell did you first start liking me? I mean, with all the pranking and shit.”

Chris laughed. “Honestly? Even when all that pranking was going on, like, I thought you were a dick and I didn’t want to be your friend, but I also thought you were like, really hot. Which was the super annoying. But then you gave me that cake, and I realized that maybe you weren’t _entirely_ evil.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You stole the funny pages, Josh. That’s a low blow.”

Josh cackled. “I fucking knew that would bother you! Who even reads the paper anymore, dude? That’s what the internet is for.”

“Shut up. Anyway, I think it was after the Halloween party that I started liking you. Once you stopped fucking with me, basically,” Chris said with a snort. “What about you?”

“Um, I guess I _realized_ I liked you about a week or so after Thanksgiving. I mean, I’m pretty sure Sam figured it out way before then, but I think she can read my mind or something.” Josh shook his head. “This is seriously the weirdest relationship development I’ve ever had.”

Chris laughed. “And it all happened because you went and broke my leg.”

“So in a way, you should really be thanking me for that,” Josh said. Chris narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t push your luck, bro.”

 

* * *

 

The day of Emily’s New Year’s Eve party, Chris was busy for most of the day. He still planned to attend, but because he was going to be late, he insisted that Josh go on without him and they’d just meet up there later. Josh showed up at Emily’s large family estate, almost as big as his parents’ ridiculously-sized rich person home. He rang the doorbell and after a few minutes Emily answered, wearing a slinky black dress and holding a martini glass.

“Josh! _So_ glad you could make it,” she said. Her speech was ever so slightly slurred, meaning she was already on her way to tipsy. Tipsy Emily was prone to random exclamations of affection that she would adamantly deny when sober. Josh found tipsy Emily hilarious.

“Hey, Em,” he said. Muffled music came in from further into the house. Emily waved him in, and he followed her down the hall to the living room, where a crowd of people mingled and danced. Most of them were people he didn’t know. He spotted Ashley standing in a corner with a drink, scrolling through something on her phone. Emily had already melted back into the mass of people, so Josh decided to make his way over to Ashley. On his way there, he bumped into Mike and Sam. Mike had his arm around Sam’s waist.

“Josh! What’s up, bro? Good to see ya!” Mike said loudly, grinning. “Where’s your date? Sam was just telling me about you and Chris, congrats, man!” Josh looked from Sam to Mike suspiciously.

“Did you guys come together?” he asked.

“Yep!” Mike said. “Looks like you and I both finally lucked out, right?”

Josh couldn't argue with him there; Sam and Chris were both pure angelic souls who had infinite patience to put up with their dumbass boyfriends. If that's even what Chris was to him -- Josh realized they hadn't actually covered that yet. He made a mental note to ask Chris about it later. Mike turned away from Josh when he spotted Matt weaving through the crowd and stepped away to greet him.

Josh fixed his stare on Sam. “When did _that_ happen?” he demanded.

She scrunched her nose at him. “Will you chill? I’ll tell you the full story later, but don’t act like you didn’t see this coming,” she said. He glanced over at Mike, who was laughing at something Matt had said. He supposed that Mike was okay enough, even if he was a huge tool. If Matt and Sam liked him, he couldn’t be _that_ bad.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Sammy,” Josh said, looking back to her. “Seriously.”

She smiled, turning pink when Mike rejoined them and slung his arm around her again. “So where’s Chris?” Mike said.

“He’s coming later,” Josh said. “I was just going to say hi to Ashley,” he added, nodding in her direction. Happy as he was for Sam and Mike’s budding romance, he didn’t really want to spend his evening hanging out with Mike. He escaped after ruffling Sam’s hair just to irritate her, and approached Ashley. She looked up, eyes lighting up when she saw him.

“Josh! Hi!” she said, putting her phone away.

“Hey,” he said, leaning against the wall beside her. “Whatcha doing over here all by yourself?”

She shrugged. “Big parties get a little overwhelming sometimes. It's nice to step back and just watch for a while.” She smiled faintly. “Remember when Beth used to drag all of us to those weird parties with her college friends? You were always my wallflower buddy.”

Josh swallowed hard. “Uh, yeah.”

Ashley watched him. “Hey. We don’t have to talk about your sisters if you don’t want to. I just thought… maybe you’d want to remember all the good times we used to have, you know? I miss that.”

“I miss it, too,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I, um… I just don’t know how to talk about it, Ash.”

“That’s why you stopped coming to the bakery, huh?” she said, nodding to herself. “And why you never texted me back all those times. It’s okay,” she added, catching the guilty look on his face. “I understood. I missed you, but I didn’t hold it against you. Whatever you need to do to heal.”

“I don’t know if I’m healing so much as living in denial,” he muttered. Ashley hooked her arm through his and leaned her head against his shoulder. They stood like that in companionable silence for a while, watching the party guests move about the room.

“If you ever want to talk,” Ashley said at last. “You know I’m always here to listen.”

Josh’s chest tightened painfully, and he nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

“You should get a drink or something,” she said, releasing his arm. “I never see you at a party without something to take the edge off.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to cut back,” he said. Take that, Sam. He could be responsible. He smiled at Ashley. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed hanging out with her, overwhelming kindness and all. “I might go get some soda or something, though. I’ll catch you later?”

“Roger that,” she said, returning his smile. Josh made his way to the kitchen, mulling over the disappointing selection of sodas. He finally settled for a Sierra Mist (seriously, Emily, get better party drinks). He leaned against the kitchen island and took a few sips, enjoying the solitude of the kitchen for a moment. He liked parties, but Ashley was right; big parties with all these strangers did get overwhelming.

Someone poked him in the side, and he almost threw his soda can across the room. He turned to see Sam standing beside him, sans Mike. He glared at her.

“You scared the shit out of me!” he said. She looked amused.

“Sorry,” she said, not sounding sorry in the least. “I was looking for you. Ash said you were hiding in here.”

“I’m not _hiding_ ,” he said. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Being social,” Sam said. “Unlike you.”

Josh stuck his tongue out at her. “I’ll have you know I’m having a serious bonding session with this can of Sierra Mist.” He set the can on the countertop. “And speaking of bonding sessions, clearly we need to have another one soon. When were you planning on telling me about Mike?”

“You’re really not gonna let this one go, are you?” she said, shaking her head. “It just kind of happened. I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. Anyway, you’re one to talk, you still have to tell me about you and Chris reuniting!”

Josh frowned. “I told you I went to his house the other night, didn’t I?”

“Well yeah, but I mean the _details_ , Josh.”

“Don't be a perv, Sam,” he said.

“That’s what best friends do! I’ll tell you the details about me and Mike if you want.”

“Oh my God! No!” Josh yelped, covering his ears. “The _last_ thing I need to hear about is Mike putting the moves on you, Jesus.”

Sam was beside herself laughing. “Chill out, dude, I’m just messing with you. You should’ve seen your face, oh man…”

Josh waited for her to collect herself, thoroughly unamused. “Hey,” he said, once she’d stopped giggling. “For real, though, if he hurts you, I’ll fight him, no problem, okay?”

Sam rolled her eyes. “Alright, cool it with the protective older brother bit.”

“Sorry. Force of habit, I guess,” he said, eyes dropping to the tiled floor. Sam’s demeanor instantly shifted, and she put a hand on his arm.

“Josh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He shrugged. “No, I know. Sorry, uh, Ashley brought up Beth earlier when I was talking to her, and… I don’t know, they were just on my mind.” He looked up at her and tried to smile. “I’m fine, though. Not gonna have a meltdown in Emily’s fancy kitchen.”

Sam looked like she didn’t fully believe him, but instead of pushing it, she changed the subject. Bless her. “You know, I actually came looking for you because Mike wants to play beer pong. You in?”

Josh’s smile was more real now. “Hell yeah! You and I always kick his ass!” Sam looked away guiltily, and Josh gasped. “Sam… you’re not going to be on _Mike’s_ team, are you?”

“He’s my boyfriend now,” she said. “C’mon, Josh, you’ll get Matt, he’s not a bad teammate!”

“I am appalled,” Josh said, shaking his head. “Truly appalled.” He sighed dramatically. “Well, I guess I’ll have to kick _your_ ass now, Sammy. You brought this on yourself.”

As it turned out, Sam and Mike kicked Josh and Matt’s asses, but only because Matt was spectacularly bad at beer pong, and Sam was spectacularly good. Josh grumbled at Sam’s traitorous team switch until he and Matt ended up beating two random partygoers who were even more terrible at the game than Matt was, and then he felt a bit better.

The night went on, midnight growing nearer, and Chris still hadn’t shown up. Josh was trying to not get too antsy about this. He kept checking his phone, resisting the urge to text Chris every five seconds. He didn’t want to be that clingy this early on. It was after eleven thirty when a voice in his ear said, “Hey, bro.”

Josh nearly jumped out of his skin. Why did people insist on sneaking up on him? He whirled around to frown at Chris, who was smiling.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Chris said. “Sam told me it would be funny.”

“Of course she did,” Josh said, sighing. “Whatever. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Did you think I was gonna bail on you?” Chris said. He stepped closer, hands dropping to Josh’s waist. It was the most intimate they’d ever been in a public area, and Josh felt his face grow warm.

“I was starting to worry you wouldn’t make it here before midnight,” he said, putting his hands on Chris’s forearms.

“Dude, no way! You think I’m gonna miss my first New Year’s kiss?” Chris said.

“Well, I -- wait, what?” Josh said. Chris suddenly looked very embarrassed. “Did you just say your _first_ New Year’s kiss?”

“Um… maybe?” Chris mumbled.

“Awwww,” Josh cooed. Chris’s face was so red. It was hilarious.

“Hey, shut up! I’ve dated people before, just never on New Year’s. Jeez.”

Josh snickered. “This is so cute. Oh man.” He paused. “Oh yeah, so are we like, dating?”

“Uh….” Chris looked, if possible, even more flustered. What a mess. “I mean, if you want? I thought we were, but like, it’s totally up to you.”

“Chris. Relax. I want to.”

Chris smiled, the tension leaving his frame. “Okay, good. Glad we’re on the same page, _boyfriend_.”

“Oh my gooooosh, you guys are _so_ cute!” Emily said, suddenly appearing beside them. She was much more inebriated than when Josh had last seen her, which meant she was more affectionate than ever. She grabbed Chris’s arm. He looked startled. “Chris, oh my gosh, I am so happy you and Josh are dating. Like, you are _such_ a good guy. And you are so lucky to have Josh, okay? Josh is the best person I know. The best!” She added, looking at Josh with wide eyes. Josh knew that was absolutely not true; in fact, he was probably the worst person Emily knew. But he enjoyed flattery more than honesty, so he let it slide.

“Thanks, Em,” he said. “You’re sweet.”

“I love you,” she said seriously, pointing from Josh to Chris. “I’m going now. But I love you.”

“Love you too?” Chris said, still looking vaguely confused. Emily wandered away. “What the hell just happened?” Chris said to Josh.

“That’s Emily with one too many martinis in her,” Josh said. “Hilarious, right? I love it.”

Chris laughed. “Your friends are something else. Though I have to say, she’s pretty perceptive for being drunk.” Josh cocked his head, questioning. “I mean, she’s right. I _am_ a good guy.”

“Oh, please,” Josh said, rolling his eyes fondly.

“And I am pretty lucky to have you,” Chris added. Josh shook his head, even as he blushed.

“You’re gross,” he said.

All around them, people started shifting excitedly, and a murmuring countdown rose around them. Josh hadn’t realized it was nearly midnight. He and Chris joined in when the countdown got to ten, and at three, Josh placed his hand on Chris’s cheek. As everyone screamed “Happy New Year!” the two boys locked lips, Chris smiling against Josh’s mouth.

When they pulled back, Josh’s eyes flickered around the room at everyone else sucking faces. He caught sight of Emily and Jess in a rather passionate embrace, which was unexpected but kind of cute, actually. He saw Mike and Sam, too, and at first he was a little grossed out, but then the two of them broke apart, and Mike was gazing at Sam with such fondness in his eyes. Josh recognized the look well; he was pretty sure it was the way he looked at Chris half the time. Speaking of, he turned back to Chris, who was looking at him with that tender compassion that made Josh feel like his stomach was doing backflips. This boy was going to be the death of him.

“Happy New Year,” Josh said. “Did your kiss live up to the hype?”

“Totally,” Chris said. “Ten out of ten, will kiss again.” And he did.

 

* * *

 

At some point in the evening, after the party had thinned out a bit, Chris and Josh ended up standing on Emily’s back patio. It was cold, but Chris had on like four layers of jackets, and he stood behind Josh with his arms around Josh’s middle. The two of them looked up at the night sky. The light pollution from the city blocked most of the stars, but the moon was bright and beautiful, and fireworks still popped up occasionally on the horizon. Josh leaned back against Chris’s chest and felt him hum contentedly.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Chris said. “Whatcha thinking about?”

Josh made a noncommittal sound. “Just stuff.”

“Thanks for the insight.”

“Ha. I dunno. Just thinking about how… hm. How it’s been nearly a year since, well, since they died. My sisters.”

Chris’s arms tightened around him. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Sorry, they’ve just come up a lot tonight and… I don’t know, man. Feels weird starting a new year without them here. Like… the world just keeps going, even if they’re not in it. Pretty fucked up if you ask me.” He cleared his throat, trying to hide the emotion building in his voice.

“When I was fifteen, my cousin drowned,” Chris said after a moment. “It was the first time I’d ever known someone who died. We weren’t best friends or anything, but we were pretty tight. It was devastating at first. Still is, sometimes, thinking about all the life he didn’t get to experience. It sucked. It still sucks. But, like, time does help. I know that’s a stupid overstated cliche, but, y’know, there’s some truth there.”

“Yeah,” Josh said softly. “I hope so.”

Chris pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Josh’s neck, and Josh thought about time. He thought about how in time, he would tell Chris everything about that night, the night his sisters died. He thought about how in time, he would sleep through the night without waking in a panicked sweat from horrible dreams. He thought about how in time, hopefully, he and Chris would be standing here again on New Year’s Eve, an anniversary of sorts, and he wondered how different things would be then. For now, though, he just shifted in Chris’s arms and closed his eyes, welcoming a year that felt a little bit like hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, there you go!!!! thank you all so much for reading this and leaving such nice comments and all that jazz. while this story is pretty much wrapped up, i don't quite feel like i'm ready to be done with this universe, so be on the lookout for a sequel, maybe? i might bring a wendigo into the mix if i write more, get scary up in here.  
> either way, thank you again!!!! <3


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